Impermanence, Balance.

Today I experienced life.
A re-experience of its gratification, its delight.
Life itself.

Removing myself from my normal presets and daily understanding, taking a step back and fully appreciating what is. Not with images and words in my mind of all the things that are nice and wonderful in the world, but mentally in terms of the possibility of existence itself and all of the forms in which it manifests.

The weather may have had something to do with it. Nature was strongly expressive today. Gray, cloudy overcast, high and random gusts of powerful wind.

I looked up at the silhouette of a dead tree against a bright white background. The back lighting provided a white canvas for the organic form that all of a sudden appeared to be only a black armature or possibly a crack in the space. I stood on top of the stump of a cut-down tree. I felt the energy it once had, looking around to see exactly what it might have seen its entire life if it had the gift of human eyesight. I was taken to a place of remarkable peace. A place where thoughts couldn't confuse me and stress couldn't age me. A place where life ripened naturally and all things appeared fine without analysis.

Later on that day I was taken to a beautiful waterfall and desolate beach. The wind and mist, strong and without yield, made a forceful impression against my body. I walked against its relentless, consistent course. It made me feel like only a tiny component in the midst of a beautiful, massive force. It cooled my bones thoroughly very quick. I was soaked within minutes by a vast amount of minuscule droplets flying through the air. I resisted, tightening my cheeks and tensing my muscles, teeth chattering and limbs shivering to keep warm.

I looked up at the sun through the grayish lens of the thin clouds below it. I saw birds letting the strong streams of air carry them effortlessly to the growing tide. They dove in for a chance at catching a good fish. I decided to relax the tension in my muscles and to accept the moisture just the same as if it were normal air. My cheeks lowered, teeth stilled, and limbs relaxed. I felt cold no longer. I closed my eyes and let the constant force pull all of my clothes and hair back. I surrendered myself to the confidence that I knew I would be alright, even if this turned into a hurricane. I walked back without strain through the pellets of water and constant wind.

It wasn't until later while observing a tree that I came to understand what had happened then.

A simple pleasing experience can open the window to an odd but natural mode of appreciation that the mind occasionally enters. It's sort of a temporary re-learning of the mind's associational definition of what is seen with the eye. A lot is understood by the natural feelings that transpire when the removal of the everyday understanding of reality occurs. Different things at different times serve as a catalyst for it, but this time it was a combination of sensory experiences in synchronization with one another.

I was listening to an intensely climaxing Sigur Ros song as huge gusts of thick wind blew through a massive Totara tree. The thick swells of wind pushed accordingly with the vibrating strings in the music. The gusts changed the orientation of the leaves and branches of the trees to make completely different forms out of them. The manifested image of the song in my head evolved and changed as the wind and strings progressed in tension and relief. Eventually the wind would subtly reduce and release its force, easing the trees back to their comfortable state. At the same time the dissonance in the music would escalate to an extremely high point of tension and then subtly reduce, revealing the single solitary note and voice that formed the songs base. This is balance in the chaos of nature.

The tree serves as symbolic for a human being. The wind, external forces or the events affecting her. The tension from these events and forces outside of its control would eventually release their influence, so long as the tree accepted its reality whilst being stretched into a temporary form. The wind exfoliates the ripened leaves and seeds, spreading it's essence and existence while refining the tree itself. External experiences shape our lives and well-being, molding our character the same way. Naturally. The tree simply only has to accept the stress as a reality, ceasing to resist the inevitable, unknown future. A tree may not have the conscious choice to do so, but say that it did. If it chose to resist with counter force, the added tension might crack it's limbs.

This balance is key in many aspects of life. What seems chaotic usually ends up alright, so long as we don't exercise the hubris in artificial opposition. There is an inherent goodness in the impermanence and natural balance found in nearly everything. All matter is in constant flux and exists unerringly so, as long as unnatural resistance doesn't adjourn it. Chaos is a natural state that can balance itself out. Some economic theorists might conceptualize the function of an unregulated free market the same way. I prefer to use nature as an example.

In a given amount of time, Harmony is the net result of the natural state of Chaos, as observed by countless examples: The food chain, seasons, climate, tide, evolution, precipitation cycle, digestive and immune systems. Nature cannot be controlled by one of its progeny. The attempt at doing so can only result in ruination.



[March 14th, 2009]