The First Home I've Ever Owned

On March 20th, 2009, Sarah and I purchased Gertrude Buttercup. "Gert," as we came to know her.Born in the year 1988 to the royal Toyota Hiace family, Gertrude was destined for a life of hard work and exploration. At the ripe old age of 21 (92 1/2 in car-years), Gert has a delicate, steady momentum, a strong perseverance... and awful smelling gas. Her eyes are the most beautiful shade of yellow and she keeps a constant crooked smile. Her voice cracks, she's deaf, and never showers. She's perfect.

Retired from working 15+ years in the house-painting business, Gert was ready for the adventure of her lifetime. She came to us well-equipped for cooking and shelter, as most good mothers do for their beloved. With a brand new muffler, two new tires and a new carpet, she was about to engage in the greatest adventure she would ever have. She would finally be set free to see the country she was sent to as an infant.


All of it...

Impermanence, Balance.

Today I experienced life.
A re-experience of its gratification, its delight.
Life itself.

Removing myself from my normal presets and daily understanding, taking a step back and fully appreciating what is. Not with images and words in my mind of all the things that are nice and wonderful in the world, but mentally in terms of the possibility of existence itself and all of the forms in which it manifests.

The weather may have had something to do with it. Nature was strongly expressive today. Gray, cloudy overcast, high and random gusts of powerful wind.

I looked up at the silhouette of a dead tree against a bright white background. The back lighting provided a white canvas for the organic form that all of a sudden appeared to be only a black armature or possibly a crack in the space. I stood on top of the stump of a cut-down tree. I felt the energy it once had, looking around to see exactly what it might have seen its entire life if it had the gift of human eyesight. I was taken to a place of remarkable peace. A place where thoughts couldn't confuse me and stress couldn't age me. A place where life ripened naturally and all things appeared fine without analysis.

Later on that day I was taken to a beautiful waterfall and desolate beach. The wind and mist, strong and without yield, made a forceful impression against my body. I walked against its relentless, consistent course. It made me feel like only a tiny component in the midst of a beautiful, massive force. It cooled my bones thoroughly very quick. I was soaked within minutes by a vast amount of minuscule droplets flying through the air. I resisted, tightening my cheeks and tensing my muscles, teeth chattering and limbs shivering to keep warm.

I looked up at the sun through the grayish lens of the thin clouds below it. I saw birds letting the strong streams of air carry them effortlessly to the growing tide. They dove in for a chance at catching a good fish. I decided to relax the tension in my muscles and to accept the moisture just the same as if it were normal air. My cheeks lowered, teeth stilled, and limbs relaxed. I felt cold no longer. I closed my eyes and let the constant force pull all of my clothes and hair back. I surrendered myself to the confidence that I knew I would be alright, even if this turned into a hurricane. I walked back without strain through the pellets of water and constant wind.

It wasn't until later while observing a tree that I came to understand what had happened then.

A simple pleasing experience can open the window to an odd but natural mode of appreciation that the mind occasionally enters. It's sort of a temporary re-learning of the mind's associational definition of what is seen with the eye. A lot is understood by the natural feelings that transpire when the removal of the everyday understanding of reality occurs. Different things at different times serve as a catalyst for it, but this time it was a combination of sensory experiences in synchronization with one another.

I was listening to an intensely climaxing Sigur Ros song as huge gusts of thick wind blew through a massive Totara tree. The thick swells of wind pushed accordingly with the vibrating strings in the music. The gusts changed the orientation of the leaves and branches of the trees to make completely different forms out of them. The manifested image of the song in my head evolved and changed as the wind and strings progressed in tension and relief. Eventually the wind would subtly reduce and release its force, easing the trees back to their comfortable state. At the same time the dissonance in the music would escalate to an extremely high point of tension and then subtly reduce, revealing the single solitary note and voice that formed the songs base. This is balance in the chaos of nature.

The tree serves as symbolic for a human being. The wind, external forces or the events affecting her. The tension from these events and forces outside of its control would eventually release their influence, so long as the tree accepted its reality whilst being stretched into a temporary form. The wind exfoliates the ripened leaves and seeds, spreading it's essence and existence while refining the tree itself. External experiences shape our lives and well-being, molding our character the same way. Naturally. The tree simply only has to accept the stress as a reality, ceasing to resist the inevitable, unknown future. A tree may not have the conscious choice to do so, but say that it did. If it chose to resist with counter force, the added tension might crack it's limbs.

This balance is key in many aspects of life. What seems chaotic usually ends up alright, so long as we don't exercise the hubris in artificial opposition. There is an inherent goodness in the impermanence and natural balance found in nearly everything. All matter is in constant flux and exists unerringly so, as long as unnatural resistance doesn't adjourn it. Chaos is a natural state that can balance itself out. Some economic theorists might conceptualize the function of an unregulated free market the same way. I prefer to use nature as an example.

In a given amount of time, Harmony is the net result of the natural state of Chaos, as observed by countless examples: The food chain, seasons, climate, tide, evolution, precipitation cycle, digestive and immune systems. Nature cannot be controlled by one of its progeny. The attempt at doing so can only result in ruination.



[March 14th, 2009]

Buddhist Philosophy + March for Tibet [Early March]

To DCI

After our travels with Andy Waterman we said our goodbyes and hitchhiked back to Auckland. I found my feet toeing off dirty hiking shoes at the doors of the Dorje Chang Institute, a community residence center and Tibetan Buddhist Monastery of two monks and two nuns. They hold daily classes, Pujas and discussions that are open to everyone (DCI).

There was definitely a peace to the place. I noticed immediately that everyone spoke with a calmness that would seem foreign to any American. Delicate attention was given to everything said and the self-conscious seemed simply absent from their actions. I envisioned a cartoon with a bubble coming out of my head containing the word "Stress?" The next frame, a close up of one of the monks or nuns faces, completely bewildered and confused.

Most of the work I did to earn my accommodation was domestic and at my own scheduling. You might think it cliche for a monks prescription, recalling the infamous Karate Kid's "Wax on...Wax off" scene... I scrubbed floors repeatedly, tidied already clean surfaces, painted in bright colors and tended to the garden, all of which encouraged me to think and reflect for long periods of time in silence. It was "menial" work, as my mother calls it, but I really enjoyed the personal time. It was nearly meditation. The greatest challenge came in trying to clean cobwebs in outside areas without harming life. In practicing the Bodhidharma, even the smallest ant or spider must be peacefully relocated, spared with compassion. Buddhists believe that sentient beings are reincarnated to build more positive karma towards their own enlightenment. Life, in any form, is sacred and should be respected. Keeping in mind that a worm could have been a relative in a past life, Buddhists practice "everything is our mother" in an effort towards Bodhichitta, on the path to enlightenment.

New Years/50th Anniversary of Chinese Occupation

Our arrival at DCI was a week or two prior to the Tibetan New Years celebration. This particular year, New Years was not celebrated.

In observation of the fallen Tibetans that have resisted Chinese force, Tibetans around the world were asked by His Holiness the 14 Dalai Lama to observe the otherwise passionately celebrated holiday in silence and peaceful protest. Chinese authorities forced Tibetans still in Tibet to celebrate so as not to cause a disruption.

There's an article about it here:
http://www.boingboing.net/2009/02/25/tibetan-new-year-pro.html

I was first introduced to the issue when I saw the film Seven Years in Tibet a few years ago. Brad Pitt acts out the real life story of Heinrich Harrer, an Austrian mountain climber that stumbles upon Lhasa and befriends the child Dalai Lama during the beginning of the Chinese takeover. When I found out that the story was true, I did a little research into the issue and began to feel sorry for Tibetans, questioning the legitimacy of Chinese imperial intentions. Unfortunately, it wasn't long before the issue had slipped from my mind. Matters of import such as this are often forgotten about when headlines in the American Media focus on real issues like: "Russel Crowe throws telephone," "Robert Redford buys Red Ford..." "Brittany Spears Arrested," "Hugo Chavez Loves Crackers."



In 2007, I traveled to China with a political science group from my University conscious of the conflict, but hopeless as an actor as we toured three and a half million square miles in four weeks. The issue was then permanently placed in my conscious, but put on a backburner until just recently. When March 10th came around pretty quickly, I found myself finally more involved.



It was a beautiful, clear and sunny day with the wind picking up off the piers of Auckland. There was just enough gust for a good game of Ultimate Frisbee but not quite enough to fly in a glider. I let it push me towards the square downtown where a sea of Tibetan flags flapped through its breeze. Fifty headbands were being handed out, one for each year since the oppression began. I found myself ironically wrapping my birth-year around my head, ruminating on the fact that every year since has been no different for Tibetan freedom.

Monks prayed peacefully, dedicating their actions for the benefit of all sentient beings. Among them were my new found friends and teachers: Venerable Gyalten Wangmo, Rinchin Dhondup, Geshe Wangchen and Venerable Lobsang Konchog (Pictured above with me). We marched the streets together, bound by a white cloth banner in simple black paint that read, "Tibet: 50 years under Chinese Oppression." Nobody shouted or yelled negatively. This was a different kind of protest. People walked by seemingly baffled by the lack of aggression, likely expecting thrusting fists and angry shouting. It's possible that we made a more profound statement in our approach.


After the march, we gathered at a memorial erected for those who have fallen. A rainbow rose behind an array of Tibetan national flags as the monks and participants observed silence for those killed as a result of this event, Tibetan and Chinese alike. News and an update from the Dalai Lama himself was read aloud.

An Introduction to Buddhist Philosophy

Buddhist ideas I strongly agree with or respond to:

The Buddha is not some type of super-man or extraterrestrial alien that just appeared on this earth endowed with super-human qualities. -Chokyi Dragpa

In Buddhist thought, we all possess the same potential the Buddha did before he reached enlightenment. Faith only need be applied in the self and the mind, not in the supernatural. In developing ourselves and practicing compassion and wisdom, we can create a better life and world. Buddhism conflicts with Christianity here. The Christian tradition advocates service to others, especially for the oppressed, as Jesus Christ did in his time. This is usually manifested in group actions or other collective Christian missions/endeavors. Without regard to preliminary work on the self you are expected as a Christian to be of service to the less fortunate without question. In Buddhism, the work must first come from within. You aren't fully capable of really helping others until you've at least begun to understand yourself. In fact by doing so, and if everyone did so, the collective is enriched and healed from the bottom up. Your acts of compassion then have more meaningful potential and application. You answer the "why" before you ask it. In Buddhist thought, we can alleviate suffering by individually becoming free of the things that create it: Attachment, anger, jealousy, etc.



What I enjoyed most about the Buddhist teachers I encountered was their sense of ease and peace. In a recording of a discussion, Venerable Rene Feusi lectured to a gathering of pupils and said, "Life is FUNNY! We act too serious!" He points out that we are goofy "animals playing awkward roles," especially in the west (he is western). He taught, "Awkward situations are funny, not awkward! Laugh at them, stop being so conscious of your social self." He's hinting at the understanding of emptiness, the potential we all possess to acquire a mind clear of dissatisfaction.

We all have the ability to live more purely and promote satisfaction universally. Unfortunately, we succumb to habits and desires that blur our sense of natural, potential purity. But it's never too late to realize that the mind is fundamentally pure with some deep work and self-realization, the purpose of meditation. One of the best analogies I heard regarding the potential to acquire a clear mind was later stated by Feusi when he said, "Clouds in the sky don't affect the naturally pure state of the sky." The sky is always purely there. The nature of space itself is awareness. The enlightenment qualities are always there within us and we always have the potential to develop and exercise them.

This one's for Brad [Mid March- Auckland Zoo]